A SAD DAY AT HOBBY LOBBY

Sadness and Hobby Lobby are two things that definitely don’t belong together. I mean, Hobby Lobby trips are fun, an adventure, something to relish, to look forward to, to enjoy. It means you’re working on a project, and just like Cher in Clueless, I love me a good project. “Ooh! Project!”

But this day was different. I started on my special project mission but ended up needing to go to the restroom. A lady and her young son came into the stall next to me. What came next shocked and saddened me and caught me so off guard.

It started well, with the mom chitchatting with her son. I really wasn’t paying too much attention…until I heard her call her son a kiss a$$. That definitely caught my ear, so I started listening more intently. He repeated the words and she told him, “Don’t say that.” Then she asked him who he loved more – mommy or daddy. The sweet little boy tried to answer with diplomacy by saying his dog. But the mom insisted and asked him again who he loved more. I’m really not sure what he said this time. That’s when I heard her say, “Don’t say Daddy. He sucks.” The little boy repeated, “Daddy sucks.” Mom said, “Don’t say that.” By that time, we were both exiting our stalls. I was shocked to find the little boy was probably only around 4 years old.

My first feelings were madness at the mom and sadness for the boy. I thought what a hard life that little boy was probably going to have. I was stunned that a mother could be that clueless about how destructive she was being in her child’s life. That gave me pause and caused me to think. I had the realization she didn’t get that way by accident. I wondered what kinds of hurts and wounds she must have experienced in her own life. My madness gave way to sadness and grief. My thoughts turned into a desire that she would get help and healing. I left the restroom feeling so heavy-hearted for both of them.

It does bring up some parenting pointers and generally good reminders. As you read the list, you will probably feel a huge weight of responsibility. Good. It is an enormous privilege and responsibility to raise a child. I believe in you. I know you can do it, probably not perfectly, but then again, nobody does. I bet you have a LOT more good in your parenting than bad. As you review the pointers, you may also feel guilty if you’ve messed up. It’s never too late to change -- or to apologize. Sincere, heart-felt apologies do so very much to bring healing to your child. So be challenged and encouraged as you read the lessons learned from this encounter.

1) You’re a model for your child.

That little boy is looking to his mom for behavioral clues on thoughts and attitudes to have, words to say, things to feel, and ways to conduct himself. Just as your own children are looking to you for the same thing. How well does it work when someone says, “Do as I say, not as I do”? Generally, people believe your actions more than your words. Consider what you’re modeling.

2) Your words over your children mean immensely more than you can imagine.

Your words have creative power to craft their core identity, how they feel about themselves, what they believe about themselves. That has enormous implications as they grow up.

· Don’t call them disparaging names. They will grow into what you call them. All children have value. Your children are a precious gift to you.

· Don’t demean their character. They will live up to what you expect of them. All children have potential to bring good into the world. They are your legacy.

· Don’t denigrate their inabilities. They will become discouraged, lose their confidence and the will to keep trying. All children are capable of learning, growing, and improving. They are your contribution to the world.

Plenty of people have had parents speak awful things over them, and they’ve grown up to overcome it. It’s not impossible. However, it takes a lot of work, heartache, blood, sweat and tears to conquer that formidable mountain. Speak life and positive declarations over your children. It makes a huge difference. Consider your creative power to mold your children.

3) Absolutely don’t put your child between you and the other parent.

It’s the worst feeling as a child if you’re being forced to pick sides. A child loves both parents…even if they’re imperfect parents. That doesn’t matter to the child. He or she identifies with each parent and longs for closeness, acceptance, approval. You may have problems with your spouse or ex, and sometimes the concerns can be valid, and measures may need to be taken to protect the child. Definitely do that and don’t neglect to teach object lessons. Calm, rational teaching about healthy and unhealthy behaviors is very different from constantly tearing down and bad mouthing the other parent. Sometimes the situations can be very difficult and tricky, so get professional help if necessary. Consider your intentions about what is best for your child.

Parenting is the most important job in the world and definitely one of the hardest. It takes everything you’ve got physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m rooting for you. I know you can do it. Here are some verses for you to ponder and reflect on.

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Psalm 127:3 (NASB)

Direct your children on the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

See that you don’t look down on one of these little ones, because I tell you that in heaven their angels continually view the face of My Father in heaven.

Matthew 18:10 (HCSB)

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?

Isaiah 49:15-16 (NIV)

Fathers, don’t exasperate your children, but raise them up with loving discipline and counsel that brings the revelation of our Lord.

Ephesians 6:4 (TPT)